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[26 Jun 2006|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
] |
I crashed today. I was so good up until 4pm, all I'd had was a couple of strawberries and a few pieces of cantaloupe. Then I came home and ate caramel popcorn (at least it was fat free and organic), a few gummy fruits (also organic and fat free), and a LOT of beef jerky. YUCK! I wanted to take some ipecac SO bad, but my entire family is wandering around the house, and they're always no farther than 1 room away from the bathroom. Urgh.
I think I need to start eating a small breakfast, because it always gets super rough right around 3/4/5pm and I end up bingeing.
water, water, water! Last night (technically today, since it was at 4am), I smoked two cigarettes and they completely got rid of my candy cravings. I just wish cigarettes didn't smell so much.
My digital camera can record video for up to 3 minutes, so for motivational purposes, I filmed myself dancing to "Canned Heat" by Jamiroquai in my UNDERWEAR. Then I watched it on repeat until I couldn't bare to look at my body anymore. Seriously. It's disgusting.
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[25 Jun 2006|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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 gross |
] |
198. Down one pound from yesterday. I hadn't eaten since 9pm last night until my co-workers shoved half a piece of pizza in my face around 3pm. Not too bad, I guess, except for that I came home and my dad had made tacos, and of course, I make the mistake of answering "no" when he asks me if I've had dinner yet. Sigh. Then I spaced out and filled a bowl with cereal (Honey Bunches of Oats with dried banana pieces). I ate half of it, excluding the banana bits, before I grossed myself out an threw it in the trash.
Maybe I should take up smoking on a regular basis.
Tonight I'm going to hang out with my friend Alex. I hope he doesn't take me to Jack-In-The-Box.
I can't WAIT until I live alone. My fridge will only have water, diet coke, and fruit.
I'd go buy some fruit right now, but I'm so broke it's not even funny.
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[25 Jun 2006|09:11am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Boards of Canada - The Devil is in the Details |
] |
Working with Tim today. Such a strain on my brain. At least I'll be burning a lot more calories with all the extra work I'll be doing.
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| all you've got to do |
[30 Nov 2004|07:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Loser, the movie |
] |
I ate normally today. It was terrible. There are tons of strange people in my house.
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[17 Nov 2004|01:34pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
ugh. ugh ugh ugh. After camp in september I was down to 160.5, and I ruined it all.
171. BMI is 22.9.
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[17 Nov 2004|05:53am] |
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[20 Oct 2004|02:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lemon Jelly - Experiment Number Six |
] |
Fuck. COE came back to bite me in the past month or so. At 169.5, I am barely clinging to the 160's.
Despite being all depressed about being fat, it's been raining lately and I love it.
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[17 Sep 2004|11:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
162.5
BMI: 22.1
Lately I have not been doing so well, despite being at my lowest weight in years.
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| progress report... |
[05 Jun 2004|03:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Elliot Smith - Miss Misery |
] |
Almost forgot...
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[05 Jun 2004|03:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Múm - There Is A Number Of Small Things |
] |
Weight: 166.5
BMI: 22.6
Still trying to kick COE's ass, and get Ana back. I missed two birth control pills in a row, and got my period prematurely. I ate everything in site, but somehow haven't really gained any weight. I hope more comes off when it stops, that would be wonderful.
My parents signed up for a gym, and I told them I wanted them to sign me up as well. I've never been one for exercise, but I'm going to try.
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[02 Jan 2004|06:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 full |
] |
| [ |
music |
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denny = gross |
] |
scale at my friends house said 172.8
This is good news. I'm slipping in my duties though. I wish I could throw up.
My friend just confessed to me that she makes herself throw up sometimes, but she feels it isn't that big of a deal. I really don't know how I feel about it.
I need to take new pictures, damn those ones down there are nasty.
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[05 Dec 2003|02:18am] |
New rule: I can only eat in front of people I know. No more eating when I'm alone. However, I am allowed to chew gum and drink diet soda/water/coffee (plain) when I'm by myself.
Now if I want to eat, I will have to make sure I'm in a place where people I know will see me, no more of this "I don't see you eat very much" when I've eaten a ton shit. I feel like when I eat alone, I don't get "credit" for the food. I need some food facetime.
p.s. halloween candy and thankgiving made me gain weight. I got up to 179, back down to 176 now, I think.
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[20 Oct 2003|12:56am] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
175. fuck. yesterday it said 173. I've eaten way too much lately. and I really want to go inside and eat ice cream.
Time for a run to safeway to buy orange juice. A huge jug of orange juice. For some reason I always drink about 1,000 cals of orange juice in one day and then ana comes back.
I hate you coe. go away.
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[18 Oct 2003|06:40am] |
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scale said 174 this morning. I wonder what I'll weigh on halloween. Should I let myself go just a little bit for halloween? Actually, the thought of candy makes me sick to my stomach right now, so I guess thats a good thing. I'll just give all my candy to my friends, they'll like me for that. I just hope they don't get suspicious.
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[17 Oct 2003|06:01am] |
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doing pretty good. 175 today. scale said 174 the second time I stepped on it, but I don't want to be overly optimistic. I need a decent scale, I can't believe I rely so heavily on a scale I bought at the local thrift store.
I avoided eating a donut with my two male friends. They looked at me a little funny, but seemed to be satisfied that I had gotten a hot chocolate.
I've been eating less and less, it's awesome. I only eat when I have hunger pains (I'd love to fight them, but they aren't just abdominal, my chest tightens up and it's hard the breathe). I ate most of a package of red vines at work (movie theater) and a 2 small cups of popcorn. not TOO bad, especially when you factor in that my body is used to a gazillion calories (I'm serious. I used to eat like 2,500 cals a day).
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[14 Oct 2003|12:20pm] |
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lost 2 pounds. 177 now.
Hope everyone is doing as well.
My BMI went from 24.3 to 24.1, I'm happy about that, but it's still gross.
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| ac: 16 hours |
[12 Oct 2003|12:38pm] |
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Mom gave me a Ghiradelli milk chocolate bar. I'm going to allow myself to eat it. Over the course of the entire day, and I'll just walk a lot.
Ghiradelli Milk Chocolate bar: 440 calories. ouch.
yum.
maybe I should modify what I'm refering to this as. perhaps ana challenge? Because thats really what I'm doing. I really hope this chocolate doesn't set off my COE. COE can kiss my ass.
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[12 Oct 2003|11:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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at myself for failing so quickly |
] |
I failed. I ate some curly fries and a chocolate shake from arby's. my friend james pushed me into it. I think I'll do a new fast challenge where juice is allowed, because I'm sick and can't stand to go without soup OR juice. So... since then... let's see..
FC: 15
woo, I can do math, really I can.
I'm thirsty.
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| fast challenge |
[11 Oct 2003|04:27pm] |
starting a fast. I ate a subway sandwich awhile ago. probably about 2 hours.
FC: 2
I am allowed water, gum, and diet soda.
time to leave for work soon.
p.s. I'm 180. I've been sick and stuffing my face, plus I'm PMSing so I'm eating everything in sight anyways.
p.p.s. note to self: buy a new scale, yours sucks.
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[23 Jul 2003|12:02am] |
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177. 179. 179. 177.
thats what my scale said this morning.
I didn't even try.
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